The heartbreak hung thick in a room full of high schoolers with heads hanging low. In a group that would normally be booming with laughter and excited exchanges, muffled sobs and sniffles were the only sounds that broke the stiffening silence. The grief was overwhelming, and it seemed to engulf the large crowd at the memorial prayer service for Tyler Rathbun. Tyler Rathbun, who had been alive less than 24 hours ago.
As I tried to process the heartbreak surrounding me I saw a touching moment in the row in front of me. St. Teresa’s Academy senior Scout Distefano quietly placed her hand on the shoulder of a sobbing Shawnee Mission East senior, Connor McGannon, who was cradling his head in his hands. It was one simple motion that would normally go unnoticed in the business of everyday life. But on that day, Nov. 25, 2012, the day Tyler Rathbun was taken from this Earth, that hand was defining. As McGannon’s heart continued to shatter, his friend did her best to hold together the remaining pieces.
At that moment, I realized that not only was the room filled with the most sorrow I had ever felt, but also the most love I had ever felt. Teammates leaned against each other when the sorrow overpowered them. Classmates wiped tears off of each other’s cheeks. Friends squeezed each other’s hands. Strangers shared long, teary and intimate hugs.
It is simple moments like those that continue to carry every single person that was touched by the life of Tyler Rathbun.
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Hearts ached across the country when news spread that Tyler Rathbun had died. In the days following his accident, images of people holding signs that read “#RIPTR” poured in from not only those who knew him but from strangers who had simply heard his story. Strangers offered their support, reached out helping hands, and prayed for comfort to those mourning the loss of Tyler. After looking through the hundreds of tweets, facebook posts, and Instagrams, I came to a conclusion: no one is alone in their grief.
Hugs became the most powerful thing in the world. In the week following Nov. 25, I hugged more people than I have ever hugged. But unlike the rest of my life, those hugs really meant something. They expressed the emotion that words simply could not. I hugged my friends as the world seemed to crumble: tears slid off their cheeks as confusing grief overtook their entire bodies. All there was to do was hold them tight and hug. Nothing could not fix what had happened but a hug seemed to offer at least a little bit of comfort, support, strength, hope, and love. All tied into one embrace.
Amidst the heart wrenching grief, unbelievable strength emerged. Strength I am confident was sent down by Tyler. Strength that 17 and 18 year olds shouldn’t need to have, but did. Walking up the church aisle after Tyler’s funeral, a group of boys picked up their friend as he literally fell to the ground, overcome by his grief. He wasn’t the only one falling apart, but somehow everyone took their turn to be strong for each other. I put my arm around my friend’s shoulder as I walked out, and I noticed many others doing the same for their friends. There was no choice but to be strong for each other. Everyone was suddenly changed and marked by this unthinkable tragedy.
And with strength, emerged hope. Hope in God. Hope in heaven. Hope that Tyler was still around.
“I never really believed in God, but because of Ty, I do now. How else could you explain this,” SME student Katie Peterson said as we drove away from the funeral.
That statement was so profound and I am sure rings true for so many people. The clouds forming T’s in the sky, the photo of the sun shining a little bit brighter over Tyler’s memorial in the SME parking lot, the coincidental way Ke$ha’s “Die Young” played on loop the first week after his passing. The continued outpouring of love and support from everyone in this community. It’s God. It’s Tyler. And it’s achingly beautiful.
Gratefulness has also shown itself in the face of tragedy. I now hold my friends tighter than I ever have, so incredibly thankful for each and every one of them. I never thought it was possible to love my friends and family any more than I did then, but I do now. Because now, I see how truly blessed I am to have them. I am more patient with myself and others. I see beauty in so many things I took for granted. I am open and honest with people and I let them know how much they mean to me before it’s too late. I understand that there is no guaranteed tomorrow and fate is indiscriminate. I am a deeper human being.
Because of Tyler I see that every breath we take is a gift. Every second is a blessing because it is one more second Tyler never got the chance to live. Because of that, it would be wrong to be anything but thankful. To be anything but utterly grateful. For everything we are given, for the struggles we have the great privilege to live through and fight, for the days that sometimes seem to fall short. The world is still the same and yet the perspective people touched by this tragedy have on every aspect of life is so different.
Whether you have heard the numerous stories about Tyler or ever had the great privilege of knowing him personally, it isn’t hard to believe the impact he continues to make on this community or the gifts he continues to send from heaven. It’s now the duty of the community to continue his compassionate legacy. So for Tyler, continue to remember that in grief we are never alone. The human race is united by tragedy. We can’t fight our battles without each other.
Let’s never forget to be strong, hopeful, faithful, and thankful people. Cling onto the gifts Tyler sends from heaven. Cling onto memories of him. Hold onto the little moments of love in the world. Hold onto each other. Hold onto Tyler.
And to Tyler- thank you for everything you gave while you were alive on Earth and everything you continue to give from heaven. You are so missed but you will live on in the hearts of the many people whose lives you have touched. You will never be forgotten.
“Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”
#RIPTR