The day I would become an only child always seemed like a distant future.  At first it was years and years away, then as time dwindled down I stretched the remaining months into infinity. I reasoned months into years trying to avoid confronting the inevitable departure to college of my sister and best friend, Ellie.

Just two weeks ago the day came for my family to fly out, with eight suitcases in tow, to move Ellie into her new home at Princeton University. I was anxious and excited as we spent hours in the airport. It was a blur of excited chatter, holding back tears and hanging on to the last few hours of quality time together. I was so excited for what was ahead for Ellie but scared of the inevitable shift in our family dynamic.

Move-in day was hectic.  As my family worked together to fit all eight suitcases into half of a closet-sized room, the thought of leaving almost seemed a little easier.  After hours of unpacking, with tears in our eyes we gave our last hugs and well-wishes and left her behind. From that moment on, my family started a new chapter as a family of three for now.

The first moments were surreal.  I remember walking back to the car, sobbing.  All I could think about was how I was going to have to face the next two years of high school without my sidekick, essentially my human handbook, guiding me along the way.

Two weeks in, it has gotten easier.  Ellie and I usually FaceTime or talk on the phone every couple of days, and we text and Snapchat constantly, so I don’t feel like there is a shortage of interaction between the two of us like I worried there would be.  I’ve started to enjoy having the second floor in our house to myself and alone time with my parents at dinner has begun to feel more natural. I’m growing used to my solo trips to Target and having the house to myself when my parents are gone. I know that Ellie is doing well and having a great time so it has become easier to not worry about her quite as much.

I am pleasantly surprised by how normal life has felt without Ellie around.  Sometimes I even feel guilty for not missing her constantly and being lonely because that’s the way I thought it would be. My schedule is so full of school, homework and time with friends, all activities that don’t ordinarily involve Ellie; that I haven’t had much of an opportunity to step back and comprehend that she is gone.  

Although Ellie moving away hasn’t had a huge impact on my everyday life, I do miss the little ways that we bonded. Looking at Ellie’s and my black Toyota RAV4 is when it really hits that she is gone. I miss the late night “jam sessions,” as we called them, when we would drive with no destination listening to our favorite songs.  I miss Yogurtini and Barnes and Noble runs. I even miss our drives to school. I also have a newfound appreciation of having a built-in chauffeur.

As I learn to embrace the new normal, I can’t help but be glad that this has been a difficult process because that reflects on how close of a relationship Ellie and I have. Like with any other major change I know that there will be ups and downs, but ultimately this is an exciting change that will bring a wealth of opportunity and joy to Ellie.  Although she may not be here in person, Ellie will always be a plane ride, FaceTime or Snapchat away.