The True Story of Lohgann Wilson
Junior Lohgann Wilson’s Youtube videos create an authentic portrait of her life and mind, including both her struggles and successes.
PHOTO | Catherine Frerker
Junior Lohgann Wilson pauses while on her way to lunch.
As a child, junior Lohgann Wilson already had an interest in fashion. She changed all her outfits, even her pajamas, at least 20 times until each one was perfect–right down to her colorful leggings, hairstyle and accessories, according to her mother Saadia Riepe. Today, Wilson stays true to herself by maintaining a self-described fun and unique style which she shares on her YouTube channel.
Her videos, with themes ranging from fashion and art to pet peeves and deep thoughts, portray a real version of her and are meant to positively influence others, according to Wilson. However, she did not always have the confidence to express herself on the internet. At one point she felt like her life didn’t even have a purpose at all. In her video “My Journey With Depression,” Wilson shares how some events around her led to depression and how she fought against her negative thoughts.
“Don’t let the world get to your head. ‘The world’ is broad but high school, your friends, family, social media and guys are all part of your world,” Wilson said. “Your circumstances don’t have to define how you live your life. In the past, my circumstances haven’t been the best but I was positive through those things. I do struggle, but you have to give yourself credit for your successes.”
The world around a younger Wilson included seeing self-harm on Instagram, seeing how being skinny was considered cool in the media and being in relationships that weren’t making her happy. These led to low self-esteem and even suicidal thoughts.
“It was just me letting everybody else’s opinions and thoughts about me get into me,” Wilson said. “That was probably my biggest mistake.”
After reading “Meditation on the Nature of Mind” by the Dalai Lama, Wilson looked at Buddhism in a new light and discovered how it could relate to her life and to Christianity. It showed her just how much an impact a mind can have on a person.
“If someone calls you stupid, you can decide to listen to them or not. You have more power than you think,” Wilson said. “Give credit to your mind, but don’t let your mind run your world.”
In addition to reading books about philosophy, Wilson constantly journaled, realizing that writing down feelings helps a lot even if she couldn’t tell anyone. She also got a therapist and ultimately came to the conclusion that she did have a purpose.
A picture of junior Loghann Wilson edited and changed by Wilson.
“You have an impact on this world no matter how much you think you don’t. I’ve really just noticed that I do deserve to live and it’s time to live, right now,” Wilson said. “I don’t ever want to take back my mistakes or the bad things that have happened to me because I wouldn’t be the person I am now.”
One of Wilson’s greatest strengths is her ability to take hardships in stride and stay positive, according to her friend senior Moriana Jaco.
“I admire Lohgann’s resilience. She has overcome so many obstacles and just being able to see her smile and to remain as positive as she is, it’s such a blessing,” Jaco said. “I’m grateful to have her as a friend and a peer.”
Throughout high school, Riepe has noticed Wilson growing in many ways, including becoming more organized, responsible, balanced and engaged in local and national events outside her immediate circle.
“It makes me proud how far I’ve come,” Wilson said. “Looking back at my journals it’s crazy to think that I was depressed and thought I wanted to commit suicide.”
Wilson learned through her high school experience to love herself more and that being popular wasn’t actually very important to her. She enjoys spending time reading and writing much more now than she did at the start of high school.
“I have seen Lohgann grow significantly as a person,” Jaco said. “She’s more confident of herself and a very positive person to be around. I love her presence and being able to watch her grow so much over the past three years.”
Wilson said that every day she works to be a better person and that the type of person she wants to be also changes because she is constantly evolving.
“You can’t predict the future, but with suicide you’re kind of saying that you can predict the future– you will never get better,” Wilson said. “In seventh grade, I never would have predicted to have blonde hair, have a YouTube channel, or be showing the world my flaws. That’s really amazing to think about.”
Riepe said that Lohgann rarely allows others’ judgemental opinions or negative attitudes to cause her to doubt herself, her decisions, her passions or affect her self-esteem.
“Lohgann wants to make the world a better place, and like I’ve explained to her and her sister Harrison, start with your family first, then friends, etc.,” Riepe said. “Her smile is gorgeous and as her mother, that’s a start to making the world a better place.”
Wilson said she hopes her videos will both help people overcome their own struggles and challenge them to consider a new viewpoint or perspective.
“I ultimately felt like I have a message to convey to people,” Wilson said. “Sometimes it kind of scares me, how real I’m being. I just felt like I didn’t want anyone to feel like me on my bad days. If I can help you, I want to do that.”
Her plans for future videos include more real-life talks, telling her story, talking about life and expressing who she really is. She also may create short films inspired by MOstyle. The people she looks up to, including Briana Shanee, Rihanna, Hitomi Mochizuki and Kanye West, inspire her because they are confidently themselves.
“I really look up to Kanye West on him being himself,” Wilson said. “I feel like people don’t like that as much, so they don’t like him. Watching his energy has just inspired me to say what I want and be myself.”
In her daily life, Wilson stays true to herself and upholds her values. She doesn’t let others’ opinions influence what she believes is right, according to Jaco. Wilson expresses her true self in multiple ways: Youtube, fashion and art.
“I use my clothing to express myself because I’ve always done that since I was little,” Wilson said. “I just wear whatever I want without much thought. I choose pieces I like and it comes out well.”
She sees inspiration everywhere– her mom, dad, sister, music videos, magazines, instagram, celebrities and even random strangers she passes on the street. Her go-to places for clothing include Urban Outfitters, Savers, Arizona Trading Company, Forever 21 and her sister’s closet. Some of her current favorite pieces include mom jeans, a camo jacket and her mom’s old DKNY sweatshirt from the nineties with holes near the wrist that she can stick her thumb through.
“I’m in the Siren which is a class where you can use art to express yourself,” Wilson said. “I think with art, you put all of your feelings and everything into it.”
Wilson said that to succeed in art, as well as life, people need to let go of their insecurities. Her main goal for her artwork is not that it’s perfect, but that it includes everything about her– her happiness as well as her sadness.
“Perfection isn’t really possible. That’s what I’ve discovered in my art,” Wilson said. “You’ve gotta get past the feeling that you can’t do it, that you can’t draw or paint, because perfection isn’t really possible.”
When Wilson started her YouTube channel in October, she said that she first needed to realize that other people may not see her as perfect, and that’s okay. She wanted to begin earlier and even filmed a video her sophomore year but was held back by fears of what other people thought of her.
“What other people think of you, your insecurities and the things you struggle with are really big things to get over,” Wilson said. “Some days I struggle– should I express who I am and let the people around me judge me? Ultimately, I decided yes.”