I never planned to go to Kairos. My sister went once as a participant and another time as a leader. Even with her constant nagging trying to push me to go on one, I didn’t think I had the time, nor did I think it would be beneficial. On a whim, I decided that I would sign up for the waiting list and test my chances to see if God wanted me to go or not.

I eventually got off the waiting list, but I realized that Kairos would conflict with my busy schedule. Kairos would mean missing a game and a few practices, and as the captain on the basketball team, I ultimately knew getting my coach on board would be a challenge. When I originally asked my coach, he was not too thrilled and was trying to find ways for me to go on the next Kairos.

But last Monday, a little over a week before I went off to Kairos, I injured my shoulder and have not been able to play since. This at first was a curse because I thought I wouldn’t be able to play the rest of my season, but now I realize that it was a blessing in disguise because it ensured I could go on Kairos. Karios 60 began Wednesday, Jan. 22 and ended Saturday, Jan. 25.

For the sake of not spoiling anything for people who have not gone on Kairos, I will restrict myself from talking about certain activities we did, but will instead focus on how I experienced the four pillars of this retreat- doubt, cry, trust and live. 

When we first arrived, everyone was skeptical of how transformative this would be, including me. I felt that there would be more gossiping about others than there would be about focusing on ourselves. I honestly thought it was a stupid decision for me to attend and that I would begin to grow resentment for the classmates who I was in small groups with.

That completely changed when the second day hit, and more leaders and faculty members began to share some of their stories. I appreciated how they were so vulnerable, and ultimately, I grew into the second stage of Kairos and found myself crying quite often, especially by the end of the night. I realized how many lives I affected and how much I meant to certain people which made me feel overcome with emotion. Friday is not technically the last day, but when on Kairos it is because it’s when everything comes full circle. 

We were each invited to share a story of our lives and how it affected us in front of the whole group. Initially, I did not plan on sharing a story. I didn’t think it would be impactful and thought it might distract from the people who had harder stories they needed to tell. Though afraid of their judgment, I had to trust that I would not only be listened to, but accepted by my fellow Kairos members. 

By the time I built up the motivation to tell my story, I felt really comfortable because of other people’s bravery to tell their stories. I definitely had to force myself to be vulnerable; during my speech, I laughed and I cried. I felt everyone’s warmth during and afterward, which made me thankful I decided to voice my story.

Once everyone told their stories, you could literally feel everyone shift to the living portion of the retreat. Though none of us had the same story, because we were all vulnerable, we were able to relate to each other and cry together as we tried to imagine the pain others suffered during those times or the times they were still enduring. 

Overall, all the hype people put up about Kairos was downplayed because it is so much more transformative than you could imagine. If you ever get the chance to go on Kairos or any retreat like it, remember that you only get in what you put in. You have to trust the process and trust the people you are around. I can now say I know 40 young women better, and I understand the power of Kairos. I will remind myself every day to abide by the fourth pillar—live.